What the Facebook pictures don't show

I think I first joined Facebook in 2003, which means I've been on it over 10 years.  That's a long time!  I've seen it evolve into the amazing social network that it is today.  It's been a blessing the last 4 years that we've lived overseas, as it helps us to feel more "connected" to our friends & family in the States.

But for all the great things about Facebook, I do feel that it can be incredibly destructive.  First of all, it can be terribly addicting (just spend some time with teenagers, and you'll see what I mean).  But more importantly, it's a breeding ground for comparison.  I once heard the quote "Comparison is the thief of joy".  And that statement gets played out in a very tangible way on Facebook.  Engagement announcements can make a single person feel even more alone.  Pregnancy announcements can hit an infertile woman right where it hurts the most.  Perfect family photos can be tormenting to a family who has lost a child or is going through a divorce.  Amazing vacation pictures can come across as bragging, and those who can't afford a vacation want to un-friend you.  Pictures of incredibly romantic gestures and a caption of "My husband is amazing" can make other women (with not-so-romantically-inclined hubbies) feel like they are missing out on something.

Disclaimer:  I'm not dissing these things.  I understand that there is great value in posting pictures and being able to stay connected.  My in-laws really enjoy looking at our travel pictures.  And I like seeing pictures of my loved ones as well; it makes us not feel so isolated.  Also, I think there is something to be said for public praise.  So when somebody writes something about their fantastic spouse, that may completely fill that person's love tank.

But I do believe we need to THINK about what we're posting and why.  Are we seeking validation?  Are we anxiously checking Facebook every 5 minutes to look for that red notification sign?  And are we creating a false illusion of a "perfect life" that might trigger jealousy or insecurities in a friend?  Are the pictures and words that we are posting going to be edifying to others?  Or will we make others feel disappointed with their lives, dejected and alone, dissatisfied and disillusioned?

I'm not saying we need to walk on eggshells when using Facebook (or any other social media).  You might be thinking "It's not my fault if somebody looks at my pictures and feels insecure".  No, it's not.  But I feel we do need to be cognizant of what we are posting and how it might appear to others.  Don't use Facebook as a forum for bragging.  I'm not saying to get on there and air all your dirty laundry.  But just keep in mind the impact your words or photos might have on someone who is struggling.

And for those of us who struggle with seeing things through the "Facebook lens" - we need to remember that what we are seeing is a mere glimpse of a person's life, and it may not be as picture-perfect as we think.  For example, that beautiful family of six with their color-coordinated outfits on a beachside photo shoot.... did you know that couple struggled for years with infertility before they were able to become parents?  Do you know how many tears were shed?  Or that adorable engagement photo shoot... did you know that couple faced all kinds of terrible struggles because her family disapproved of him?  And the fabulous vacation photos... bet you didn't think they had a huge fight in front of the Eiffel Tower, and sat in stony silence over a candelit dinner in Venice.  The pictures don't show that; they only show the smiling faces.  Not the broken-hearted girl crying on the bathroom floor.  Or the couple going to counseling because they don't know what else to do.  No, those are not the stories we see on Facebook.  We see others who appear to have it all together.  We see others who seem to have the perfect lives that we so desire.

For some who struggle with Facebook envy, the answer may be to leave it altogether.  For others it may be a conscious effort every time you log on to remind yourself that you're not seeing the whole picture.  And for those who are not afflicted with Facebook envy at all, well... I envy you!

There are several articles already written on this topic, a few of which I've linked below:
-http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Emotional-Health/5-Ways-to-Cure-Your-Facebook-Envy.aspx
-http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brick-brick/201312/are-you-risk-facebook-envy
-http://www.today.com/tech/its-not-just-you-facebook-envy-makes-people-miserable-studies-1C8119557