Being a middle child

I am a middle child.  For a long time I was THE middle child in my family, with one older sister and a younger brother.  My youngest brother Jacob came around when I was 13, so after that I had to share the middle child title with Tim.  But I feel I am more deserving of the title, considering Tim became a middle child after being the baby of the family for 9 years!  I only had 3 years of youngest child bliss.

There are articles, books, and even websites out there about birth order, and I find it fascinating.  For those who are not familiar with birth order traits, below are some of the words I came across while researching this topic.

-Firstborn: Reliable, conscientious, structured, cautious, controlling, achievers.

-Middle child: People-pleasers, somewhat rebellious, thrive on friendships, large social circles, peacemaker, concerned with fairness.

-Lastborn: Fun-loving, uncomplicated, manipulative, outgoing, attention-seeking, self-centered.

I used to resent being a middle child.  I felt that the adults in my life didn't trust and respect me like they did my older sister.  I was resentful of my little brother Tim when he was born because he got all the attention.  My parents often say "You were so jealous of Timothy!"  Looking back now, and with the knowledge I have as a pediatrician, I know that was completely normal behavior.  I used to throw myself pity parties and claim that my parents "blamed me for everything"... which may be an exaggeration.  I'm sure I was very deserving of the blame and punishment I received on several occasions because I was certainly no angel.  But is there some truth in the idea of the "middle child syndrome"?  Was I really overlooked and neglected... or are my memories skewed?

I don't know, but I have come to accept my birth order and all that it entails.  I like to be described as a "peacemaker".  I like that I'm not used to getting my way... because frankly, that's not how the world works, and all those lastborn and only children will have hard lessons to learn later in life.  I like that I'm adept in making and keeping close friends, a skill that may be due to my middle child status or because I was a military brat.  I do find that I am concerned about fairness... which can be a blessing and a curse.  It is a blessing in the sense that I am cautious to avoid favoritism or exclusivity.  I try not to shower an extra-lovable child with affection while ignoring the less-lovable sibling.  But my concern with fairness can be a curse when it comes to my own life.  When I go through a trial, I am quick to say (either to myself or sometimes out loud) "It's not fair!"  I compare myself to others a lot.  And that is not good.  It is something I'm working on.

So today I celebrate being a middle child.  And I celebrate my siblings, without whom I wouldn't be a middle child.  Every birth order has its pros and cons, and I wouldn't trade my birth order for anything.  Happy Middle Child's Day!