Dear pretty girl

You know who you are.  You've been told your whole life that you're beautiful.  You heard people say it to your parents.  You caught boys looking at you.  You've probably been asked if you were a model. And even though you may not believe it yourself (because let's face it, we all have some degree of insecurities)... at some point or another, you must have realized not all of those people are blind.  And so you used the pretty girl card to your advantage.  You batted your eyelashes to get out of a speeding ticket.  You used your charm to get a free drink.  You flirted shamelessly with a friend who you had no interest in romantically.  Harmless, right?

Wrong.  Okay, so maybe it's harmless enough to try to get out of a speeding ticket or get a free drink. But when you start messing with other people's hearts, that's when I believe you are crossing the line. Is there such a thing as "harmless flirting"?  I don't think so.  Because harmless flirting eventually leads to one of the people involved developing deeper feelings.  And if those feelings aren't reciprocated, that person can end up very hurt.

I know I am no Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie... but I grew up being told I was beautiful, and I guess I would consider myself a pretty girl.  In college, I was in ROTC, and as a female I was a minority.  So I got a lot of attention from the boys.  I soaked. it. up.  I flirted with all of my male friends, even when I was dating my "serious" college boyfriend.  It made me feel beautiful and desired.  It was fun.

But who knows how many of those young men had actual feelings for me, and I crushed them with unrealistic hopes that went unfulfilled.  I played with their hearts because it was fun for me.  How thoughtless.  It took me years to learn some very valuable lessons.  #1: Men are not my play things to flirt with when I want, and then toss aside when I get bored.  #2: All women want to feel beautiful and desired, and that's because God made us that way!  But not so we can seek it out from every person of the opposite sex that comes our way.  It's what we should seek from Him.  And now, as a married woman, it's what I seek from my husband, and no other man.

I see beautiful young girls doing the exact same thing I did when I was in college... seeking attention from men, enjoying the "harmless flirtation" and leaving a trail of broken hearts in their wake.  I feel so sad for the men they are leading on, but I also feel sorry for these pretty girls who are seeking approval from the wrong places.  I'm not saying I have it all together because I don't.  I still struggle with insecurities, and I seek affirmation from others (especially my husband) all the time.  But at least I know where I should go - to our loving God.  If only pretty girls could learn this, they could avoid hurting not only others, but also themselves.

So, to the pretty girl: Yes you are beautiful, and that is all well and good.  But don't use your beauty for selfish gains.  Be careful with the hearts of those who adore you.  And remember that beauty fades.  If you depend entirely on your looks to get what you want in life, what will you do when you get older?  There is inner beauty that is so much more important, and that is what builds good marriages and lifelong friendships... not a pretty face.

Sincerely,
A pretty girl who is now older, grayer, flabbier, and hopefully a little wiser